Back to the Start
by mugglemom
Summary: Delayed and being edited...Rose reads an emotional goodbye from a very heart-broken Bella. Story will be continued at a later date.


Disclaimer: All names and likeness of the characters from Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyers and the Little Brown and Company publishing company. No infringement or abuse of any copy rights intended. Absolutely no money or profit of any kind is being made from this story.

AN: First and foremost, thanks needs to be given to my husband and to one of eddie's girls (ooeg) for all their love and support for getting this idea out of my head. Their contributions and editing have been heaven sent. All mistakes and errors are my own. They have both tried to straighten my words out, but alas they can only do so much for my messed up thoughts.

Thank you, Ms DivineSimplicity, for all your help and support. You are an amazing and wonderful beta and I look forward to finishing this tale with your help.

NEW NOTE 8.31.10…With Sadness

This story was intended as a multi chapter story that has unfortunately turned into a sad one shot for now. The other chapters were removed due to a growing amount of timing errors. This story will eventually be completed but it has to take the back seat to RL. Please keep Back to the Start on either Story or Author alerts if you would like to learn how this story will play itself out.

Thank you for all your support and kind words.

******************************************************************************Forks, Washington

"Emmett? Em, are you in here?" Rosalie called as she entered the Cullens' boathouse. The mid-morning sun filled the room with a rare soft golden light and added warmth to the otherwise chilled room. The 'entertaining' quarters smelled faintly of Bella's body spray and clean laundry. "Em-bear, Bella-rina, where are you guys?" Rose called as she passed by the sliding glass windows on her way to the guest rooms. She stopped in her tracks as she took in the site before her. Unbelievably 'Constant Motion' Emmett sat stagnant on the stripped 'guest' bed, staring at an envelope in his hands. The sheets were folded perfectly and the pillows laid on top, all stacked neatly at the head of the bed in typical Bella-ism. Despite the pungent oddness of the visual before her, Rosalie ignored the chills that ran down her neck and proceeded with the intended plan.

"Hey baby! I am glad I found you. You would not believe how much I missed your smile. Everyday got a bit duller without you."

Emmett grunted in response but never met her eyes. In fact, he had not looked toward her at all. Emmett's whole consciousness revolved around the bits of processed tree bark resting in his fingers. Given the fact that Rosalie had just arrived home after traveling Europe for almost three months, Emmett was very subdued welcoming her home.

"I really wanted to talk to you about something important." Nervously, Rosalie bit her perfect fingernails as she sat next to Emmett on the bare bed and looked around to make sure they were alone. She never bit her nails because she despised the habit and was always after Bella to stop. Briefly a thought ran through her mind, 'laundry day?' She concluded they were alone and pondered how long it would be before Bella showed up. Bella and Emmett had been growing apart but Rose knew their routine was to have breakfast together on the dock, come rain, snow or below freezing temperatures.

"So I've been thinking about Bella and Edward while I was traveling. Baby, I think we really need to talk to her about the future. This whole situation has been so difficult for the family but we have to get with the program. Edward's memories of his relationship with Bella have not returned as we expected. Frankly, I am worried about both of them. In the beginning, I agree we needed to let them work it out on their own, but right now, it might be a good idea to get involved. Emmett, I really think we need to push Bella into letting go of their past and moving on. I know they are 'engaged', but that is just a lingering formality from before the accident. Edward is not in love with her anymore. Hell, he cannot even remember proposing."

"No, Edward does not love Bella anymore," Emmett contributed, speaking so softly that Rose did not hear him.

"I know this is so hard for us to understand. Honey, Edward is a grown man and he has grown-man needs. Tanya fulfills those needs for him. In all honesty, I feel it is unfair for the entire family to constantly reassure the illusion that everything will snap back to what it was before the incident."

"What?" Emmett croaked as he turned his head toward his fiance. She never noticed the tears in his bloodshot eyes or the sadness etched on his face.

"Honey, I know you think they are a living, breathing fairy-tale love story. Emmett, fairy-tales are not real, though Lord knows I wish they were. Their love story is over. Everyone needs to support them as they live their present-day lives. Bella will not break because Edward forgot her. She lived before him, she can learn to live without him. Babe, she has us to help her put back the pieces." Rose was completely oblivious to the change in Emmett. She did not notice the stiffening of his body or the sharp inhalation of breath that broke the quiet of the room.

After several long, heavy moments, Emmett handed Rosalie the paper in his hands. As she pulled out the enclosed letter, Emmett spoke up.

"It appears Bella agrees with you. I need to go find everyone else. Can you meet us in the kitchen when you are done reading?" Emmett did not stay to hear Rosalie's response. Once he retreating form walked out of the boathouse doors, Rosalie read.

_My dear family,_

_I wonder who will find this letter first. So I ask the reader, please share this with everyone. As you undoubtedly guessed, I have left Casa de Cullen. I toyed with the idea of writing individual letters but realized I should just save myself time and ink since there are no secrets. Except maybe this one as I could never speak the words aloud. Even now as I write this letter I cannot force the words from my lips. I knew this day would come. I could tell when Edward woke up and had no idea who I was. Yes, I knew then. With each of you, there was a small light of recognition of his link to you in his beautiful eyes. But when he turned his green eyes to me and there was nothing but clear, cold confusion, I knew that this day would arrive at my door much sooner than I ever expected. I must be frank. I have waited for so long for two distinct and intertwined reasons. I hoped Edward would learn to love me again. However, his love was not to be mine twice in a life time. Secondly, I was afraid of hurting this wonderful family even more. I love you. All of you. Yes, even you Rosalie. And you as well, Tanya. _

_Please, please understand. This is not a determination I made on a whim or with a blink of an eye. I have had a year to think about this. About whether it was in Edward's best interest to give him more room to grow and rebuild himself. About whether the family would let me go. About whether or not I...if I could be strong enough to leave all of you, whom I love so much. My heavy heart and my head finally agree with me and time has now come for me to depart. Understand, I am not angry or bitter. Sad, yes. I am very sad and scared. My fears are not for myself. They are for you, and for you your reactions to my cowardly exit. I never want to inflict any more pain on this family. I have tried to find a new place from myself in the familia structure. _

_My family...you have done everything in your power to make the last 2 years, well, bearable? I'm not comfortable with that word but it will have to do for now. All of you have surrounded Edward and I in your support and love. I know this has been hard on all of you, but especially Edward. Thank you for doing everything in your power to make this as manageable as it could ever be. Here are my wishes for you all._

_Esme...my beautiful, wonderful mom. You have insisted I call you Momma Esme since Emmett brought me all scraped and bruised from that stupid prank. We were such a mess that day, so scared and terrified Charlie would lose it. You made everything all better. Your capacity for love and affection still astounds me. You have taught all of you children – natural, adopted and otherwise – just how important love truly is. None of us will forget your lessons and examples. I know this situation has been especially hard on you. Please know I hold nothing against you. You never had to choose between your son and his happiness and me. This escape for me is not to cause you any grief. Allow your feelings free, Esme. Love her as you would if the past did not exist. Embrace her as Edward wants you to, as he needs you to. Please, love her as you want to. She is good for him. I know this, Esme. I have known since he started to smile again. Trust in yourself. Trust in me to be have taught me how to be strong. I am lucky. I have known love in my life. I smile with that knowledge. Remember everything will sort itself out. Just trust in God and love. _

_Emmett. My dear sweet Emmett. My best friend. My light in the darkness. Oh, Emmett, what am I going to do without you? I am going to be so lost without you. But please let me be, knowing I love you always. Keep me in your heart and believe, please believe that you are always in my heart. Oh how I wish I could pack you in my bag. I would take you everywhere. I know my leaving will hurt you most. Let Rose help you through your dark days like I did. Please...I beg of you my sweet Emmett. This is not something you could have changed, nothing that you could have prevented or altered to undo what is done. Be happy my beautiful bear. We talked about this. We knew since he woke up and could not remember me, remember us, that one day I might have to leave so life could continue. Forgive me for being selfish – but I need to go. I have overstayed my welcome. I love you Emmett, but let me love you from afar._

_Rose, please take good care of Emmett. I know you are mad at me for abandoning everyone, abandoning Emmett. I know my leaving has hurt him but never let his bark run you off. Hold onto his heart with 2 hands. He has such a big heart, he is so full of love and compassion. Please, never let him go. We both know just how much he truly loves you. You are such a strong amazing woman. It has been a great honor to know you. I am going to miss our verbal sparing. _

_Jasper – Je n'ai jamais rencontré n'importe qui en tant que vous. Merci, mon ami, de toute votre aide avec le Français. Your friendship was a remarkable surprise and asset to my life. Thank you for helping me find my courage through my despair and helplessness. Your kindness I will remember always. I wish I had more memories of you. You have taught me how to see the best in most situations. Nor will I ever take for granted any blessed, happy moment again. Thank you for letting me sound off when the reality got to be too much. You helped me put back the shattered pieces. Because of you and Emmett, I know I can and will be alright. _

_Edward, I am so very sorry you have had to go through this wretched event alone. I say alone because none of us have had the misfortune at losing big chunks of our lives. Forgive me for adding to the stresses of your recovery. May your future is filled with only happy times to fill in your memories. I mean this with my whole being. Good bye. _

_Tanya, take care of Edward. I'm sure he is scowling as I say this. I can hear him grumble 'I can take care of myself.' But I ask you, beg you even, please love him with all your heart. And welcome to such a wonderful family. Cherish them. They are the best family one could become part of. Ask Jasper. _

_And finally, Daddy Carlisle, thank you for being my confidant. Oh, Carlisle, there are no words to appropriately thank you for everything you have done for me, from treating my twisted ankle, healing my hurt ego, to giving me a place to call home, to helping me get a college education. I'm sorry for all the anxiety this has caused you. You have given me the world and I love you. Please forgive me for running and being a coward. Yes, this is what is best. Rest easy, as I am never alone. You and your phenomenal family have taught me that much. And I will keep my promise just as long as you keep yours. _

_I'm sorry for not being stronger. I wish I had found more strength and courage to get through this with you all by my side – but I am weak. I go, knowing how much you loved me and made me part of your family. Thank you for all your love. But Edward will never be fully happy with me in the wings waiting for his memories to return. I know that he still feels obligated to me even though I have given him my blessing to move on. He needs to focus on his life now. His future, not what he cannot remember. I refuse to continue his punishment. He has committed no crime. I accept I am no longer part of that future, of his life, plans and dreams. I am glad and fulfilled in knowing Edward has found love. Mistake me not, my heart – it's in pieces. But I must not, cannot, and will not blame him. _

_I ask all of you to continue loving him and never forget me. I want to remain in some deep part of your memory. One that you reflect on with happiness and contentment. I must leave you now so I too may find happiness and contentment. Please, someday forgive my weakness. Rest assure, I will think of you all with fond thoughts. You are not losing a part of your family. It's just changing as the tides do. This has to be the hardest thing I have ever done. I need a new start. Please be happy for me. _

_May all be blessed by love, faith and laughter._

_Bella Swan_

Rosalie stared at the page as it grew more and more obscured by her tears. As she contemplated the idea of never seeing Bella again, her heart began to pound and she could not catch her breath. _'Emmet. Oh my…' _Rosalie hung her head and sobbed as she finally began to understand Emmett's cold, detached demeanor. He just found out his best friend in the whole world took her broken heart as well as a part of his to parts unknown.

Translation to Jasper: (literally) I have never met anyone as (like) you. Thank you, my friend, for all your help with the French.


End file.
